Last night my daughter came home, obviously upset as she entered the door, said hi and went straight to her room. I knew something was wrong, but I gave her five or ten minutes before I went to her room, knocked on the door and peeked in. As usual she was laying on her bed, with her cellphone on her hands. I asked if I may come in. I sat on her bed and asked how she was. She said that she was fine. I knew she would tell me that. But I don’t give up easily. She was definitely not fine. Her eyes said everything. I told her that she didn’t look fine and I could see that she has been crying. So I asked her if something happened. I got the same reply. It took me some more minutes before she finally opened up and told me of what really happened. She burst into tears. Apparently, she and her boyfriend had a huge fight. I sat and listened to all her complains, anger, frustrations, pain and everything that was wrong with her boyfriend. Inside, I couldn’t help but smile and also asked the Lord for wisdom and guidance. I wanted to give her more than just advice, but words of wisdom and encouragement. To tell you the truth, I was tempted to take this opportunity and tell her how bad for her to have a boyfriend, and that she is better off without him. But I held my tongue, and just listened to her.
If you have been given a choice of how a relationship would end, what would you choose? Would you have a slow death, where you could sense something was wrong and see all the symptoms or a sudden one, when he tells you that it is finished, I don’t love you anymore or I found someone else?
I remember for 20 years ago, my grandfather died at the age of 75. He was ill for a long time, and suffered multiple strokes. He was in and out of the hospital for months. In the end, the doctor called my mom and other family members, so we could tell our goodbyes to him. There was not much the doctors could do for him, because his lungs and heart were failing and he only had some few hours left. So we went and prayed for him and said goodbye. We all went home, except my mom, who stayed by his side until the end. We were all sad during the funeral, but at the same time, happy that we were able to say goodbye and that he had a peaceful death. We were all at peace. A few days later, we had an overseas call. My 26 year old brother, who lived in another country, had a heart attack and died. I remember that I was at work and was totally shocked. It couldn’t be true. I rushed home to my mom and found her weeping endlessly. Nobody knew that he was sick. He was still young and healthy, so we thought. A lot of questions came to my mind: all the why’s and how’s. The worst part was the guilt of not talking or saying goodbye to him. I wished I had called him and told him how wonderful he was and that I love him.
So if I had to choose about how a relationship would end, I definitely choose a slow death. Because maybe I could still do something, maybe I could fix the relationship so that it would not end. Even if it does, at least I would be able to tell myself that I tried my very best to save the relationship. If someone whom you love, suddenly just left you, the pain is much more severe. You would be left with many questions. Why did he do that? How could he do that? And you begin to doubt yourself. Is it my fault? Have I done something wrong? Am I not good enough? How could I not see the signs that it is over? It would be a hard blow on your self esteem and would throw you into the uncertainty of the future. It would be hard to plan or imagine a future. It would take a lot of time to heal.
I’ve been married for more than 25 years. Our relationship has been through different kinds of seasons. We have been through a lot of ups and downs. And we are still growing and learning. Because people change and life changes. Everything changes and evolves. Only God never changes, His love remains forever and He never gives up on us. That’s why we don’t give up as well.
So I told my daughter, to give her boyfriend some time and space, so they both would learn and grow. Maybe he needs time to think and learn about himself, about relationship and about her. At the same time, she needs to think too. She needs to understand him, learn more about him and about herself and about relationship. Love is patient and kind.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endure all things. Love never fails. So, don’t give up!