I had a terrible dream last night. I dreamed that I was in some kind of a construction site, where there were bulldozers and the road was uneven. There were tracks of the bulldozers wheels. As I carefully walked through the site, I found something like a bar on the left side of the road. I entered the bar and sat by the counter. I ordered something to drink from the bartender. There were some few people inside,men and women. I knew that they were looking at me. I had a feeling that I know them and they know me. I recognized some of them, they were fellow church goers. They were talking about me. A man approached me and asked if I wanted another drink. I said no thanks and I’m fine. After a while, another one approached me, with a group of people behind him as if they were there to support whatever he was trying to convey to me. They were looking at me with mixed pity and compassion, as if I lost someone. He handed me an envelope with some money (coins) in it. I looked at it and I looked at him. Then I burst into tears and said, “I don’t want your money. I want my husband back! Give me back my husband! Please, give me back my husband!” I woke up, feeling sad and terrible. I felt the tears in the corners of my eyes. So, I immediately turned into the Lord and asked what my dream was all about.
I don’t see my dreams to be prophetic or anything special. But I use them to reflect. Usually, my dreams are like an indicator of what is really happening inside me. There were occasions when I was really mad at someone, but would try to reason it out and forget. It would eventually surface in my dreams and then I would know that the feelings have taken root. I would try to analyze so I could uproot and understand myself better. Sometimes I could sense unforgiveness or fear. Only by facing them, accepting and understanding those matters, only then that I could truly move on. I know also that it’s God’s grace and His way of teaching me, and many times, healing me. Obviously, my dream was about my fear of loosing my husband.
For the last few weeks, the Sunday gospel readings taken from St. John, focuses on Jesus as the true bread from heaven, who gives life, eternal life, to us. It started with the feeding of the five thousand men, not including women and children. Then Jesus tried to feed their hungry souls by saying that He is the bread of life. (John 6:35) But they started to murmur. At first, the people chased him because they wanted to make him their king. Suddenly, when Jesus told them the truth about himself, they said to one another, “Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say, ‘I have come down from heaven’?” (John 6:42) I would imagine our Lord’s frustrations as the people quickly shifted their opinions about him. He was offering them the gift of Himself, which is far more precious and greater than the physical food or temporal pleasure. When He told them the truth about Himself, it revolutionized their reasons. They chose to be on the comfort side, and saw Him as the familiar human, thus they closed their minds and hearts to the truth. The Lord knew them. He remained calm and said that no one can come to Him, unless he is drawn by the Father. If we know the truth, believe in the truth, remain steadfast and rooted in the truth, then nothing can move us, nor ever disturb us. We are confident.
Relating my dream to this Sunday’s gospel reading, I sense the Lord is reminding me that nothing can ever replace or substitute the presence of a person we truly love. No money, pleasure or material things can ever fill the void caused by the lost of someone very dear to us. God is offering Himself to us, His Real Presence!!! Our time is limited. We are living in a time of His grace and mercy. I don’t want to loose the opportunity of being with the ones I love, being with Jesus and savor every moment. I don’t want to experience what I felt in my dream last night, a feeling of lost, despair, regrets and deep longing. I don’t want to miss Him.