Going back, moving forward

It’s been more than three months since I last wrote here. Much have happened, a lot of soul searching and heart struggles. Have I become stronger and wiser? Only time can answer. Although some people close to me would say so; that I have grown stronger and wiser. But who could truly tell? Those closest to me claimed that they know me better than I know myself. Maybe there is truth in it. Well, I cannot deny that my face is so easy to read and for those few people I trust most; I find no problem of giving a piece of my mind and heart. I value the sharing of thoughts, hearts and lives. But no one really knows me except God. He alone can see all that is in me. Sometimes He reveals things about me which I myself don’t know. I surprise myself.

Today is the last day of the year. Tomorrow, a new calendar will be used and 2016 will be written everywhere. 2015 will be archived and be referred to as history. I can never go back and relive it again. Life, like time, flows on consistently and without any regard or considerations. It is cruel at times, but I have only one life and this is it.

On the other hand, I believe that I can go back. I must go back, not in time, but in memory lane. I need to re-examine again and again, the things or situations which I think I could have done better, in order for me to move forward. I need to relive again in my heart those happy moments, specially those times that has given me strength and encouragements. By doing so, I continually adapt an attitude of gratefulness and a determination that I will progress, grow and improve.

The first reading today in the seventh day in the octave of Christmas, taken from the first letter of St. John, begins with “Children, it is the last hour.” Indeed it is. I believe that there is much wisdom in this passage. A call to live my life everyday as if it is the last hour. Not with fear or guilt, but with gratitude, love,  joy and hope. As the Rule of Saint Albert says, “one should live a life of allegiance to Jesus Christ, pure in heart and stout in conscience, unswerving in the service of his Master.” Simple yet very challenging. That’s why I need to go back to the core values, in order for me to move forward. God help me!

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